


strangely, i keep doing this

by yellowpostitman



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Phone Sex, Post-Break Up, Smut, actually, ex with benefits, idk why i wrote this, will add more as the story goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2019-11-15 01:57:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18064388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpostitman/pseuds/yellowpostitman
Summary: they already broke up.so why was jae walking the familiar steps leading to brian’s apartment?





	1. welcome to jae's stupidity

**Author's Note:**

> the friends (ex) with benefits au i wanted to write for the longest time. inspired by out of my mind so go have a listen to that. lastly, enjoy reading and please know i haven't written smut before so pls be kind to me.

jae was stupid. all those times he failed at math class, tripped out of thin air, or confessed to someone only to get rejected in the most humiliating way possible were nothing compared to this one specific stupidity.

 

he buried his hands on the pockets of his denim jacket, his head lowered as he walked the familiar streets of seoul. he just came from a class and he was supposed to get an early dinner with wonpil but he ditched the younger when a text came.

 

_ his text. _

  
  


**from: dickhead**

 

**jae baby, please come see me.**

  
  


jae felt the annoying piece of flying fucks inside his stomach (alternatively called butterflies) go wild at the endearment attached next to his name, and if he was facing a mirror right now he’s sure that he’s all red in the face. it’s a bit absurd seeing as he should literally be used to all  _ his _ sweet talks, but jae still finds himself flustered every damn time.

 

“baby my ass.” he whispered as he typed out his response. 

  
  


**to: dickhead**

 

**yeah whatever, see you in 10 mins.**

  
  


jae scoffed before returning his phone in his right pocket. going back to the topic at hand, jae really was stupid. it’s been going on for months and it’s an unhealthy obsession—like when he used to smoke or drink every fucking day. dickhead had the same effect on him. dickhead was like a fucking drug he couldn’t get out of his system—he tried, so many fucking times but he comes back crawling to him anyways. it’s slowly breaking him, hurting him, killing him but it’s the kind of pain that jae welcomes wholeheartedly.

 

jae really was stupid to keep on seeing his ex. yeah, dickhead was his ex and said dickhead has a name. 

 

brian kang. 

 

business major, occasional bassist of the university band, jae’s ex boyfriend, one hot motherfucker with a tongue so sharp and creative he could always pull you back in just a few words (or more).

 

it was a short walk from their university up to brian’s apartment. when jae reached the door, he only had to knock once before brian greeted him.

 

actually scratch that, brian didn’t even greet him. said guy pulled him in by the collars of his denim jacket, closed the door and pushed jae against it before he kissed the living shit out of him. jae couldn’t help but grin at the younger’s desperation shown by the amount of times he licked at jae’s upper lip just to gain access of the older’s mouth. 

 

jae held brian by his shoulder and pushed the younger away, just enough so that their lips were apart but their foreheads were touching. 

 

“thirsty much?” he teased the younger who said nothing in reply, he only tried to kiss jae again and jae let him, opening his mouth when brian licked at his lips. from then on, it was a mess, with jae trying to gain the upper hand and brian refusing to give up. spit slicked lips finally moved away from each other when it got harder to breathe.

 

jae rested his head on the door while brian’s breaths were on his neck, still leaving wet kisses on his wake. 

 

“no marks.” he reminded the younger who he knew have always had some sort of fascination with his neck and collarbones. brian let out an annoyed sigh before trailing up to jae’s ear and biting the lobe. jae almost let out a whimper but he managed to keep it in. brian still must have heard it though if his grin was of any indication.

 

“so, what’s good?” he asked brian, his hair carding through the younger’s raven locks as they stand there, bodies pressed together, leaning on the door of brian’s apartment. the younger lifted his head and finally met jae’s eyes.

 

“nothing, just wanted to see you.” brian smiled as he caressed jae’s cheeks. the older looked away at that, finding the emotions on brian’s eyes problematic.

 

he couldn’t let himself hope again. 

 

“that’s funny seeing as your mouth moved faster than your eyes could even take in the entirety of me.” jae pushed brian off him and waltzed inside the younger’s apartment, settling down on the couch in the middle of the room— it’s an apartment he’s so familiar with he could walk around here with his eyes closed. 

 

brian had always been a neat person and it showed with how spotless his room always was but jae had been coming here for a few months, he didn’t stay the night, he never did. and he was a forgetful person so some of his belongings were left here by accident. brian was always dead tired after they have sex so of course he couldn’t remind jae of what he left. 

 

there’s something about the way that his things were seamlessly incorporated inside brian’s apartment— brian’s life, that never failed to tug at jae’s heart. 

 

he could see his hoodie hanging on one of the high stools in the kitchen. he could see the black ring he took off when he was jerking brian off the other day. there’s a whole lot more but jae’s used to it by now or so he tells himself. he learned how to drench the growing sparkle of hope inside his chest.

 

don’t get him wrong. he knew. he knew that when he agreed to whatever this was between him and brian, he knew that he wouldn’t be getting any of the old them back— this wasn’t that kind of deal. and maybe it’s better this way—the previous them had endured so many shit, fought through so many stuff, and had a hard fucking life. this was an entirely new arrangement that favored the both of them—an arrangement they made because they’re not used to being separated yet.

 

they just need to get each other out of their systems. yeah, that’s it. after that, they’d walk on different paths and forget that such thing like this even existed.

 

who cares if it takes months?

 

  
***  
  
  


it was late when jae walked out of brian’s apartment— and that wasn’t an easy feat because brian had been a clingy piece of shit that feasted on jae’s neck and collar bones. he almost gave up and just let the younger do what he wanted but then he remembered his classes and the exam he had to take at 8 in the morning— which he did not study for.

 

so yeah, no matter how much of a good fuck brian was, him failing his major is a whole another kind of fuck he didn’t want to try.

 

“see you around.” he said as he put on the last piece of his clothing brian had not so kindly threw on the floor. the younger was sprawled out on his bed, still very much naked, content on watching jae get dressed. jae spared him one last look— and god did it almost made him want to undress again. brian had a messy bed hair, and his locks were getting longer so it was kind of covering his eyes in that sexy kind of way that made jae fucking swoon. his upper body wasn’t the most buff but it’s built just the way jae liked. the younger noticed his lingering stare and that made the idiot smirk before he lied down and put his hands behind his head— almost as if he was offering himself to jae.

 

“yeah nice try, but i still have an exam so bye brian.” he averted his gaze upon hearing brian’s deep chuckles. he wordlessly left the room after he deemed himself proper enough to walk the streets back home.

 

it was cold out, the breeze of the wind made him shiver. this was it— the legendary walk of shame— except it’s evening and jae had been doing this for months so it’s really just a walk. as for the shame part— pretty sure he had none left.

 

  
***  
  
  


“you’re such a little shit jae, acting like everything’s my fault. how fucking perfect do you think you are?”

 

brian’s words hurt. it gashed at his skin, tore at his heart, and pulled at his guts, but jae was the political science major between them and he would be damned if he let one brian kang step all over him.

 

“you’re a condescending piece of shit, i clearly saw you flirting with that girl at the bar, i’m not an idiot brian.” 

 

they were both facing each other inside brian’s apartment. the coffee table was the only barrier between the shouting men. brian kept on pointing at jae, while jae tried to stifle the urge to punch the younger. 

 

_ ‘how dare he get mad at me for being such a fucking flirt?’ _ jae couldn’t help but think. here he was entertaining the younger’s bullshit— which mind you he wasn’t even trying to explain what happened he’s just getting mad at jae for having feelings like a normal person would.

 

“that wasn’t flirting, oh god how many time do i have to tell you that?” brian was pulling at his hair. his eyes were blazing as they leveled jae a stare so intense it could actually make someone feel scared for his life.

 

but not jae, and definitely not in this moment.

 

“oh so what? you’re just naturally kind in the “ _ let me buy you a drink and eye fuck you for fucking seconds when my boyfriend’s just literally beside me” _ way or “ _ you’re beautiful and i’m saying this as a committed person but truly i wish i was not so i could bone you” _ way, take your pick bri.”

 

he flailed his hands too hard and knocked down the vase that was on the table beside brian’s couch. the sound of it breaking momentarily silenced the two— mainly because it was the vase that was from brian’s mother. 

 

_ “here you go, i hope you two stay together for a long time.” _

 

their trance were broken soon after when brian’s phone rang from where it was placed on the coffee table. 

 

_ ‘dowoonie’ _

 

“you know what, i’m done with this conversation. i’m heading out to dowoon’s. you can just stay here since you clearly drank and you’re not fit to go home by yourself.” brian said, his voice calm but it still held resentment. 

 

great, there he goes with his passive aggressiveness again. jae didn’t say anything as the younger grabbed his necessities and stuffed them all inside the duffle bag under his bed. brian didn’t even so much as looked at him while he was running around inside his own apartment, clearly eager on getting out of jae’s vicinity.

 

fucking asshole.

 

he was already on brian’s bed when the door to the apartment closed. the thud ringing loudly inside the silent room. 

 

if he cried himself to sleep, that was between him and brian’s tear stained pillows.

 

  
***  
  


jae passed by a coffee shop on his way home so he bought coffee for himself and for his roommate who would undoubtedly scold him for ditching him yet again and for going to brian’s place.

 

wonpil had his way of knowing things without jae actually telling him. it’s a pain in his ass. 

 

it was past 10 so the younger would either be on his computer playing some song while he’s doing his school works or asleep. there’s no in between.

 

jae hoped it’s the latter.

 

he tried to silently open the door to their apartment and he succeeded, except it’s all for nothing because wonpil was sitting on their living room, his hands crossed as he raised his brows at jae.

 

“what are you doing?” he said as he tried to keep his laughter in, jae who was posed as a ninja of some sort, his back bent low and his right foot lightly touching the ground, straightened and cleared his throat.

 

“so, i brought you coffee.” he tried for a casual, nothing out of the ordinary, totally did not come from my ex boyfriend’s apartment approach but that must have been the last straw because the younger was throwing his head back and laughing at him wholeheartedly.

 

jae heaved out a sigh before taking a seat beside wonpil. the younger was in his usual get up, plain black joggers and a hoodie. he also had his glasses on and his books were scattered on the coffee table in the middle of the room. 

 

once wonpil had finally settled down, he shifted and turned his body towards jae, a curious but stern look in his eyes.

 

“you came from brian hyung’s place again.” the fact that it wasn’t even a question almost made jae laugh. 

 

“you got it.” he reclined back to the couch, his legs propped up to the coffee table, arms crossed behind his head as he shut his eyes. glimpses of brian made its way on his mind so he shook his head to rid himself of such thoughts. 

 

“you’re shameless.” wonpil deadpanned. jae opened his eyes to the younger resting his chin atop of his palm. it looked so casual and it made jae chuckle. 

 

“thanks, good to know.” he grabbed the pillow beside him before throwing it to wonpil’s face. his stare was slowly becoming unnerving so jae stood up to get changed and get started on reviewing his lectures as well.

 

“jae hyung, this isn’t right you know?” wonpil said. he stopped in his tracks, hands hovering above his room’s doorknob. 

 

this wasn’t the first blatant disagreement wonpil said towards his  _ thing _ with brian. this wasn’t the first time jae heard how wrong this was. this wasn’t the first time it made him rethink about every decisions he had made that lead to this. 

 

and this also wasn’t the first time he’s going to laugh it off and say,

 

“yeah, i know.” he replied, he opened the door to his room and immediately closed it shut, avoiding further discussions about the issue.

 

he leaned back against the door, shutting his eyes and willing the voices inside his head away. after a few minutes to himself, he finally rid himself of his admittedly disgusting clothes and threw himself on the bed along with his books and lecture notes.

 

jae knew what he got himself into.

 

it’s just a casual thing, and he’s going to end it before it all goes to shit. he’s totally in control. 

 

a buzz broke his concentration on the notes he was rewriting, his coffee that was sitting on his bedside table had gone cold a long time ago but he grabbed it anyways before checking his phone.

  
  


**from: dickhead**

 

**miss you.**

****

 

jae almost spit out the coffee he just gulped. brian had the audacity to send him a nude— well an almost nude. the younger was on his bed, clearly topless if the picture was anything to go by. jae probably stared at it for good five minutes before his mind started running again.

  
  


**to: dickhead**

 

**shut up. i’m trying to study here, not helping, dude.**

  
  


jae threw his phone back on the bedside table so that he could avoid the temptation that was brian kang. he tried to return his attention to philosophy and karl marx but his phone buzzed again and even though he said he’d ignore it, he noticed that it wasn’t a text but a call.

 

“what could you fucking want now?” he grumbled as he sat up from his comfortable position in front of his laptop and books. he pressed the answer button before angrily muttering,

 

“what?” 

 

brian’s chuckles greeted him and he only sighed at that, not engaging the younger into any conversation. instead he focused his attention on writing. 

 

“nothing, i just missed you.” brian replied after a few seconds of silence reigned over them. jae had nothing to reply, although his hand did stop writing for a few moments after hearing that. 

 

he was not going to hope, nope.

 

“yeah, you sent that over text already. if you want ass there’s literally a frat party going on down the street, go.” he said nonchalantly, his eyes never wavering from the powerpoint presentation displayed on his laptop. 

 

he knew his and brian’s thing weren’t exclusive. jae did fuck around with random guys whenever brian was unavailable and his day was just really shit. he also knew that brian picked up girls and boys whenever jae would refuse to go with him. they were both aware, so jae was careful enough to not let the pain in his voice surface while he was saying the words.

 

the last thing he wanted was a confrontation of feelings and admitting to himself that he may still be in love with his ex-boyfriend. 

 

because he was not. 

 

that was just lingering feelings of a bad break up. yeah, that’s all.

 

“but i want  _ your _ ass.” brian said, his voice deep and sultry, the exact voice he’d use to get jae in bed. he wouldn’t deny the heat his body felt upon hearing that but he quickly got a hold of himself. 

 

“you horny piece of shit, i literally just got home from your apartment. go jack off or something.” jae really thinks he should hang up the phone now, his will was slowly weakening. 

 

“ _ i am _ .” brian replied and jae froze from writing— that’s when he heard the pants that were coming from the speaker, brian’s sighs and deep but quiet groans. 

 

_ holy fucking shit, the nerve of this man. _

 

“are you for fucking real, brian?” jae removed brian from loud speaker and cradled the phone to his ear, afraid that the younger’s increasingly loud moans were going to reach wonpil’s ears. dear god he hoped it didn’t.

 

“babe, jae please— “ brian sounded breathless and jae was internally freaking out because he needed to study but he also wanted to entertain brian’s crazy idea. 

 

“what please, oh my god you’re really doing this— you’re really going to kill me.” jae replied in a hurry, trying to get his mind out of the gutter because brian’s groans was not helping him calm down— his lower body calm down.

 

“jae—” brian said followed by a deep guttural moan. jae almost fell from his bed. that fucking moan was his weakness, he’d cross the oceans just to hear that, he’d run from his class to brian’s apartment just to hear that.  _ holy shit, he’s getting hard.  _

 

“bri, baby please—” he didn’t know what he wanted the younger to do. his mind was screaming at him to stop because  _ ‘future first, man’  _ but his dick was telling him to go fuck it and jack off to brian’s groans. 

 

“jae i’m close.” brian said, and jae didn’t know what to do. he was sitting on his bed, facing his daunting lecture with a hard on because brian decided to be a horny bitch and bother him with his inability to jack off by himself. 

 

if jae wasn’t so turned on right now he’d be angry. but pleasure was clouding his mind and damn it he wasn’t even touching his dick.

 

okay fuck it, he’s going to do this just so he could get rid of brian.

 

“really babe?” he added a hint of sultriness in his voice, the one he’s sure brian loved hearing because whenever he would use it the younger would literally just push him towards the bed and have his way with him. 

 

“holy shit— uh— fuck, jae—” brian was getting louder and jae was really losing his mind here. it’s getting hard to stop himself because brian really sounded hot, he could also visualize how the younger looked right now and it was not helping his case. 

 

“come on, bri. come for me.” jae said, he had a smirk on because the younger sounded wrecked over the phone, oh what would jae give to see him right now. brian let out a deep groan which signified jae that the younger really did came.

 

just from his voice, wow. 

 

jae continued to sit there,  listening to brian’s pants. a shuffle was heard from the other side and jae figured the younger must have cleaned up after himself. 

 

he ignored his own hard on and grabbed the pen he not so kindly threw a while ago. he continued writing, still not dropping the call. instead he pinned it between his shoulder and his ear as he finally wrote down the last word. 

 

now, he was memorizing the terms and he needed to recite it out loud to be able to remember it. he learned this trick when he started college, brian was actually the one who suggested it to him because he saw how writing just didn’t work for jae. 

 

brian came back with a hello but when he heard jae muttering words he chuckled before saying,

 

“that important huh?” 

 

“yeah, more important than my hard on right now. i hate you by the way, that caused you one fuck.” jae replied, quickly going back to memorizing after uttering the words. 

 

“oh please, you’d come begging after three days.” brian said, his voice smug and jae could almost see the smirk he had on right now. he dropped his papers at the younger’s words.

 

_ three days?  _

 

“try me, brian kang.” he challenged the younger, his voice serious because  _ really? he thinks jae would give in after three days? oh please. _

 

“and what do i get if i win?” brian said, his voice a tad bit interested. jae lied down on his bed, his lectures forgotten as he thought of a good punishment that  _ that’s not really _ a punishment.

 

“you get me to yourself for a month.” jae settled with that. exclusivity with brian wasn’t bad, he’s not that itching to go get fucked anyways seeing as finals were coming in less than a month. it’s a win win for him really.

 

“a nice offer.” brian replied humming to himself. 

 

“what do i get if i win?” jae asked in return. 

 

“me.” brian said. 

 

jae stilled at that.  _ what? _

 

before he could ask what the younger meant though brian hanged up the phone, jae was left dumbfounded and more confused than he ever was. 

 

what exactly did ‘ _ me _ ’ entail? jae wasn’t one to overthink but he couldn’t get that one word out of his head.

 

before he knew it, the sun was already rising up and he haven’t studied for his test at all.

 

  
he was so  _ fucked  _ and he only had one person to blame.


	2. welcome to jae's regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “you’re tired? then let’s break up.” 
> 
> and that was the last of it. the last of jae and brian. the pair that never worked and never will work.

jae knew he failed that exam. 

 

he was walking down the hallway, mind automatically drifting to the questions he left unanswered because he couldn’t remember how a certain philosopher fucking died. this was it, he had to say goodbye to his future— his dreams of a big house by the beach side, a luxurious car with doors that open upwards, his own music studio, tons of guitars— all flushed down the drain.

 

because of brian kang.

 

everything in his pathetic life always goes back to that guy. 

 

the odd phone call never left his mind. even though he tried to go back to studying it was like a record playing over and over again, taunting him— mocking him. the “me” could have meant a lot of things, maybe jae gets brian’s dick all to himself which would actually make sense seeing as jae made the same offer. on the other hand, the latter part of his brain couldn’t help but think that brian’s  _ me _ meant something a whole lot more. something that would insinuate getting back together.

 

which was  _ obviously _ a bad thing. the worst thing. an abomination— because jae and brian? they wouldn’t work. not before, not at the present moment, not in the near future. 

 

fuck it, he hated brian and his fucking mind games. they almost rivaled his logic exams.

 

he was busy having a staring contest with the floor, all too occupied by his thoughts to even notice that someone had already caught up to him. the arm thrown over his shoulder was the only warning he got before he was bombarded by the devil himself.

 

“hey, babe.” brian greeted him, looking all too gorgeous as usual. (it was nine in the morning how in the fucking hell is this possible?) his hair was styled up and he looked so handsome in his black patterned button up and jeans. jae felt the envious stares of the girls standing at the locker area by the end of the hall. he felt giddy about having brian’s attention because  _ ha, take that _ but he also felt overwhelmed. 

 

brian could fucking breathe and jae would feel like slow clapping like the fucking whipped moron that he was.

 

“i have a name, it’s jae.” he replied, prying brian’s arms off his shoulder. the younger chuckled at that, still keeping his pace with jae.

 

“so, how was the exam?” brian asked, his lips tilted up to a smirk. jae honestly felt like punching him.

 

the dickhead knew that jae could have had more time to study for the exam had he not decided to think with his dick,  _ he had to fucking know _ . 

 

but of course he’d ask because he’s brian kang and his middle name was asshole.

 

he blankly stared at the younger (who resorted into laughing like a maniac in the middle of the hallway), unamused by the question.

 

“really, brian?” he asked, walking faster, his annoyance getting to him. 

 

“hey, why are you getting mad? it’s not my fault you entertained me.” brian caught up to him, his arm once again thrown over jae’ shoulders while his other hand grabbed on the strap of the bass hanging by his back.

 

jae knew that. he could have dropped the call but he didn’t. so technically, he was at fault too. he didn’t know why he was getting annoyed in the first place. perhaps it was a mixture of lack of sleep, brian’s annoying laugh, and his cryptic words. 

 

when they turned right to an empty corridor, jae pushed the younger towards the wall, making sure to exert a little bit of force so that brian’s back would collide with the wall  _ a tad bit _ harder than necessary.

 

“well if you had me moaning in your ear like i’m getting the blow of my life, would you have dropped the call  _ baby _ ?” jae’s hand was resting on the right side of brian’s head. it brought him joy to see the surprise in the younger’s face because that almost never happens. brian was quick to change his expression though, his shock turning to smug in a blink of an eye.

 

“ _ baby _ , ooh treading past that line, i see. should we go back to that pet name now? and to answer your question of course i wouldn’t. i would have ran to your apartment, not giving a fuck if wonpil was there or not and gave you the _ actual  _ blow of your life, jae.” just when jae thought he had the upper hand, brian was quick with his retort as he leaned back on the wall, looking amused.

 

damn this fucking asshole. jae could never win with him.

 

“you started it.” he chose to address only the first part of brian’s sentence, looking away from the temptation of brian’s lips tugged up to lure him in.

 

‘ _ let’s not even talk about the latter part and the color that’s slowly making its way on his cheeks.’  _

 

he moved out of brian’s personal space with an eye roll and was about to continue walking when brian decided he wasn’t done yet and pulled his wrists back and pinned him to the wall in between the lockers. 

 

before any protest could even leave jae’s mouth, brian’s lips were on his. his wrists pinned above him despite brian being the shorter one of the two. jae’s knees weakened at the display of dominance.

 

_ ‘damn fuck, brian kang we’re in the hallway.’ _ he couldn’t help but think.

 

he made no move to stop it though, instead he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, opening his mouth to the trap that was brian kang. jae’s had this thought ever since he and brian got together but he’s always loved how brian kisses. because brian kisses like how he plays his bass. one moment he’s all slow and teasing and then the next he’s going in deep and fast like he’s been craving jae’s lips for days.

 

let it be said that he fucks like that too.

 

he slipped his pinned hands away from brian’s grip and instead placed it on the younger’s neck, fiddling with the stray hairs on brian’s nape as the younger moved his kisses down jae’s collarbones.

 

jae’s eyes fluttered open to look at brian but he was greeted by a whole ‘nother face.

 

“enjoying yourselves?” wonpil and sungjin were standing in front of them, arms crossed and eyebrows raised looking so terribly amused. jae immediately pushed brian, who was busy sucking on jae’s neck, away from him. the younger didn’t even notice the two’s presence until he literally stumbled onto them.

 

brian fell in sungjin’s arms while jae tried to fix his kind of messed up shirt. even though the two appeared amused jae knew that there was going to be an incoming talk.

 

“excuse us, i’m going to talk to brian.” sungjin said, eyes wide with a constipated smile on his face, when brian finally found his footing. the older literally dragged him away much to brian’s protests. jae and wonpil watched the two until they turned left on the main hallway and totally disappeared from their view.

 

“so, making out in the hallway?” wonpil questioned, leaning on the wall opposite from jae.

 

“let me live.” jae rolled his eyes, not taking the question seriously. he grabbed all the books that fell from his bag when he and brian decided to be dumb horny teenagers who make out in the school hallway.

 

“until when?” was wonpil’s next question. jae froze at that. he knew what exactly wonpil was asking, he knew the implication of those words but his heart hurts thinking about a possible end.

 

it wasn’t supposed to hurt. this was supposed to help him get over any lingering feelings towards brian. 

 

so jae being jae, he’s going to deny it ‘til he can get away with it. 

 

“this weekend. i’m going to end it this weekend.” jae answered, his head lowered down. more than the fact that he’s hurting, he’s actually pretty fucking scared.

 

he’s scared that he won’t be able to do it. he’s scared that he actually haven’t moved on and that he’s all in this alone. 

 

he’s scared that he’s falling behind— in his and brian’s past, while brian’s already breezing through the future and he’s just indulging jae ‘til he finally gets enough of him.

 

jae’s scared and this was what he did best. 

 

running away.

 

* * *

  
  
  


_ the next day didn’t go well either. brian never came home.  _

 

_ jae waited for him, sorry at the tip of his tongue because yeah, even if he’s a prideful motherfucker he knew that he was drunk and they could have talked it out had he not decided to think with his drunken addled brain.  _

 

_ he woke up with puffy eyes and seeing that first thing in the morning put him into a somber mood. he should have woken up to kisses, warm hugs, and brian’s deep voice droning on about how much jae looked beautiful in his bed.  _

 

_ but no he’ll probably never get to experience that again because lately they’ve been having these kind of fights more often. _

 

_ jae was insecure and brian was slowly losing his patience. _

 

_ and that two paired together would not end well.  _

 

_ “bri, pick up please.” he dialed brian’s number, the eggs in front of him didn’t look so appetizing anymore. the whole apartment was filled with silence and the continuous ringing from jae’s phone was the only sound keeping him sane.  _

 

_ he missed brian and it fucking sucked. _

 

_ “jae? what happened? are you okay? you left a lot of calls—” _

 

_  “come home, i’m sorry. come home to me, bri—” he knew he sounded frantic but he couldn’t even stop the tears from falling upon hearing brian’s voice. _

 

_ “baby, i’m at the door. open up.” jae immediately ran to the door, dropping his phone at the table. _

 

_ “what’s wron—” before brian could even finish his sentence, jae was already hugging him, feeling so damn small for crying his heart out.  _

 

_ “i’m sorry.” he kept on repeating the same sentence, it’s wearing him out. he didn’t know how many times they’ve both exhausted the words.  _

 

_ “it’s okay, we’re okay.” brian kept on repeating as he peppered jae’s forehead with kisses, thumb running over jae’s tears to wipe them away.  _

 

_ but things only got worse from there. _

 

_ the fights only multiplied. _

 

_ sometimes it was jae who would walk out, more often than not it would be brian who just looked so tired fighting with him. he noticed it but jae would just instigate more arguments to sate his insecurities because fuck everyone is better for brian than him.  _

 

_ and brian would never answer back. _

 

_ they fought fire with fire, fueling each other’s worst side.  _

 

_ people once said that brian makes jae a better person, and jae makes brian a better one. _

 

_ how fucked up is it that the very same person who used to bring out the best in you, can now turn you into some sort of monster you never knew you were? _

 

_ it built up until the walls were so high and neither of the two were able to see the sun that would brighten their days. they were trapped in the darkness and spite and it was just too much. no one should be trapped in such darkness. no one deserved that. _

 

_ “i’m tired.” brian said in the middle of jae’s too many complaints. and jae froze midway because there it was, the words he was begging to not hear.  _

 

_ he dealt with it the best way he knew how, which wasn’t saying a lot. _

 

_ “you’re tired? then let’s break up.”  _

 

_ and that was the last of it. the last of jae and brian. the pair that never worked and never will work. _

  
  


* * *

  
  


jae was sat in a cafe, determined to finally get some actual studying done. it’s not like he was failing his exams left and right but dealing with brian for the past few days has been harder than usual. he was a lot more  _ present _ in jae's life than he's ever been.

 

jae ordered himself a drink that won’t bring him to the restroom hunched over the toilet bowl in the next hour and situated himself on the farthest booth from the door. it was an ideal day out, the sun just peeking over the clouds, the wind bringing just the right breeze for a stroll. he made a mental note to finish early and walk home instead of taking the bus.

 

he successfully managed to review for his logic recitation and transferred some of his notes from his notebook to his laptop when god decided he was done favoring jae for the day.

 

“hi pretty.” jae messed up the logic problem set he was trying to answer before when a familiar voice ruined his peace. he glanced up from the mess he has written in his notebook to face brian. it was unfair how insanely good he still looked despite it being the end of the day and usually that meant messed up hair, stained clothes and downtrodden faces.

 

but then again, he was brian kang and god favored the fuck out of him.

 

“hello.” he curtly replied, returning his attention to the task in front of him. jae was curious as to why brian kept on popping at the randomest of times. their arrangement—whatever it is, was able to run for a long time because of their insistence on not associating with each other outside the comforts of their bedroom. well, brian’s bedroom.

 

and now, he’s just everywhere. they even made out in the hallway. they’re breaking a few too many things here and jae had some fixing to do.

 

“that sounded colder than your drink. what’s up?” he heard the chair in front of him being pulled out and then the thud of the bass as brian perched himself in front of him. chin resting on his elbow as he sipped on his staple americano.

 

something in jae ticked off. maybe it was the annoyance at having to constantly guess what brian’s actions meant, maybe it was the confusion that built up over time as they trudged this awfully familiar yet untouched territory, maybe it was the constant pressure of labeling his and brian’s relationship that wonpil put on him or maybe it was just plain fear. 

 

he couldn’t pinpoint what it was but he felt the last string in him snap.

 

“what are you trying to pull, kang?” he dropped his pen and faced brian who looked surprised at his words, his straw stopped halfway towards his mouth. 

 

“this-” he pointed towards himself  and then towards brian. “-is not something we agreed to do.” he scoffed when he saw brian pursed his lips. 

 

“you and i? we fuck. we don’t do shit like check up on each other, we don’t do shit that would insinuate us being together because we  _ don’t  _ work brian. we don’t.” he held brian’s gaze as he tried so hard to show nonchalance but fuck did it hurt. 

 

in the many years he’s been staring at brian’s eyes—from the love that appeared whenever he looked at jae back when everything was easier to the lust in between moans and his fingers scratching at brian’s back—he’s never seen the younger looked this detached. 

 

this cold. 

 

he ran his mouth because that’s what he’s good at, that’s always been his defense mechanism and brian would just accept his words, never once did he counter jae.

 

“you never changed. i know my place, jae. you don’t have to worry.” he replied, replacing the icy look with a flirtatious smile in just a second.

 

those words should have eased the rising panic in jae and it did because instead he felt the invisible punch to his gut from brian’s words. 

 

of course, brian was far from where jae was already treading. the line was so far to him while jae was only one step away.

 

“good.” he muttered, sounding a lot less assertive that he was seconds ago. he brought this upon himself when he started running his mouth but the knowledge that brian would never entertain the thought of them being together once again,

 

it hurt.

 

“so fancy a fuck?” brian asked, casually sipping on his straw. jae blankly stared at him, his heart telling him that he should but his mind opposing it in fear of falling further. 

 

but jae has always been stubborn, failing to acknowledge a failing relationship, a heart about to be broken, a person giving up, a foundation falling apart. 

 

so with his own smirk, he fixed the papers on top of the desk and pulled brian outside of the cafe.

 

“sure.”

 

* * *

  
  


brian was impatient and it showed with how he immediately pushed jae towards his bed towered over the older.

 

“fuck, let me have you.” brian whispered before attacking his lips. it was wild from the get go, no hint of teasing and soft kisses brian liked to start with. his kisses were rough and jae lived for it—craved it. the roughness in the way brian handles him today helps with accepting that fact that what transpired a few days ago was just a lapse in their judgement. a mishap they shouldn’t do again. 

 

and fuck it hurt so good.

 

“all yours.” and maybe jae meant it more than just sex but no one had to know that, if he was asked he could just say that it was due to the heat of the moment. 

 

he returned brian’s enthusiastic kisses, hands wandering from brian’s shoulder to his abdomen slipping past his shirt. jae revelled at the moan that slipped from brian’s lips, his fingers pulling at the barrier of clothing between them.

 

everything was rushed and rough, both pouring out their frustrations on each other. when brian finally removed his and jae’s tops, he moved on to sucking hickeys on jae’s collarbone, only spurred by jae’s unconvincing whispers of “not on somewhere visible, bri.” because fuck it brian would claim what he owned, and tonight he owned everything of jae.

 

“you tell me no but you do the opposite.” brian said against his ear while he pinned jae’s above his head, lips busy with his peppering his jaw and neck with kisses. 

 

though he couldn’t help but notice that there was something more to brian’s words but even if he did notice, brian gave him no chance to think about anything else other than his lips on jae’s body.

 

“fuck bri.” he moaned as brian’s lips trailed downwards, lips ghosting past his nipples and towards his clothed cock.

 

“we’ll get to it, don’t worry.” brian’s stare didn’t waver as he unbuttoned jae’s jeans, slipping the clothing off his legs. jae felt embarrassed on behalf of the younger so he covered his face by the hand previously pinned above his head. it seemed to be the wrong move though because brian tutted at him and move upwards once more.

 

“stay or i’ll tie you up.” the dominance in his voice left no room for discussion and although jae on most days would be up for the challenge, something about brian’s aura today told him it would be harder than normal to walk the following day should he decide to be a brat today.

 

as brian slid downwards once more, breath ghosting on his now bare dick. jae knew he was up for a long night and he hoped to god wonpil won’t catch him limping towards his room later.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry, don't worry you won't wait have to wait for 6 months for the third chapter skskskjs i hope u all enjoy and pls i can't stress this enough, i can't write smut for the life of me, so sorry. comments and kudos are appreciated!


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